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Home >> Forum >> Chill Out >> Rent a monkey!

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Would YOU hire a monkey?

I am taking this all far too seriously and have concluded that you are a cruel bastard
0%
0% [ 0 ]
Why would I want a monkey?
9%
9% [ 1 ]
Would consider it
18%
18% [ 2 ]
Hell yess, where's my monkey?
27%
27% [ 3 ]
I've already got a monkey
9%
9% [ 1 ]
I am a monkey
36%
36% [ 4 ]
Total Votes: 11

Rent a monkey!

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martin - Wed Apr 16, 2008 3:01 pm
martin

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I believe I have discovered a vast untapped market.. MONKEY HIRE!

Nobody wants to BUY a monkey (they cost thousands, eat loads and live for many years), but loads of people would probably HIRE a monkey.

There would be a variety of monkeys on offer, from small nimble monkeys for a mere £20/day, up to orangutans and the ilk for more money.

I am unsure whether the monkeys would be available as mere temporary pets, or would be trained to do some kind of work.

Think of the fun of having (renting) a monkey! Laughing

Would YOU hire a monkey? What would you do with it?

OVERLOAD - Wed Apr 16, 2008 3:07 pm

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I'd hire a monkey trained to make cups of tea and skin up Mr. Green

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justin69 - Wed Apr 16, 2008 5:37 pm
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Damn skippy I'd rent a monkey (several actually)...

...and train them to rob a bank.

Monkey#1 is in charge of infiltration (possibly under the guise of a deliveryman of some sort).

Monkey#2 is responsible for planting the charges on the vault while Monkey#1 creates a diversion (the manager is infuriated that the shipment of office supplies is short one ream of paper and the deliveryman won't listen to reason).

Monkey#3 is the getaway driver.

Monkey#4 (the nerdy one) stays in the back of the van and is hacking the security network.

Monkey#2 blows the vault and Monkey#1 takes advantage of the confusion and produces two massive guns from his "office supplies" for the purpose of crowd control and hero-suppression.

I enter and clean out the vault.

We all make it back out to the van and make a clean getaway for about 100 yards down the road, at which point Monkey#3 panics and crashes the van...

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justin69 - Wed Apr 16, 2008 5:39 pm
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Or better yet, I'd hire 1000 monkeys and rent 1000 typewriters and start my career as a novelist.

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OVERLOAD - Wed Apr 16, 2008 5:40 pm

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Quote:
Monkey#3 is the getaway driver.


Getaway driver? What the fuck can he get away from? Laughing

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OVERLOAD - Wed Apr 16, 2008 5:41 pm

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justin69 wrote:
Or better yet, I'd hire 1000 monkeys and rent 1000 typewriters and start my career as a novelist.


No, you need infinite monkeys for that lol

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martin - Wed Apr 16, 2008 6:33 pm
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OVERLOAD wrote:
Quote:
Monkey#3 is the getaway driver.


Getaway driver? What the fuck can he get away from? Laughing


Don't worry, monkeys can move when they have to Very Happy

OVERLOAD - Wed Apr 16, 2008 6:47 pm

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martin wrote:
OVERLOAD wrote:
Quote:
Monkey#3 is the getaway driver.


Getaway driver? What the fuck can he get away from? Laughing


Don't worry, monkeys can move when they have to Very Happy


Tyrone, you silly fat bastard!

or is it Bar-stard lol

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Kalaish - Wed Apr 16, 2008 9:41 pm
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hmm we could work something out here. nearly half of us are monkeys n the other half want monkeys....i'm going for a flat rate of £250 a day plus banana's and a 25g bag of cutters choice. thats cheap for a monkey that can type.....

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c-j - Thu Apr 17, 2008 12:27 am
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Just after Charlton 'from my cold dead hands!' Heston leaves the frame we find we really are living in some kind of Planet of the Apes! Shocked oooooooook!

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Elric the Impaler - Thu Apr 17, 2008 12:19 pm
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Why would I want a monkey? ... You can have mine if you want.



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OVERLOAD - Thu Apr 17, 2008 5:19 pm

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Kalaish wrote:
hmm we could work something out here. nearly half of us are monkeys n the other half want monkeys....i'm going for a flat rate of £250 a day plus banana's and a 25g bag of cutters choice. thats cheap for a monkey that can type.....



I'll do it for £240 a day plus bananas Very Happy

That's a saving of £10 + a bag of cutters choice Mr. Green


This monkey business is a competitive market Laughing

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martin - Thu Apr 17, 2008 5:39 pm
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OVERLOAD wrote:
Kalaish wrote:
hmm we could work something out here. nearly half of us are monkeys n the other half want monkeys....i'm going for a flat rate of £250 a day plus banana's and a 25g bag of cutters choice. thats cheap for a monkey that can type.....



I'll do it for £240 a day plus bananas Very Happy

That's a saving of £10 + a bag of cutters choice Mr. Green


This monkey business is a competitive market Laughing


Obviously you two have never heard of the phrase "pay peanuts, get monkeys".

*phones 'Best Connection' employment agency for 'temporary forklift driver', knowing full well that monkey is what will actually turn up* Laughing

justin69 - Thu Apr 17, 2008 5:43 pm
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OVERLOAD wrote:
justin69 wrote:
Or better yet, I'd hire 1000 monkeys and rent 1000 typewriters and start my career as a novelist.


No, you need infinite monkeys for that lol


True.

I reckon the best I can expect with only 1000 monkeys is pop music lyrics Razz

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Kalaish - Thu Apr 17, 2008 5:45 pm
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and a guarenteed no 1 single Very Happy

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