Nads funny pages and pages

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Right u all know the script post your jokes up but me bet me have the most.......lol

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A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a blanket bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor when she touched her. They tried it again and sure enough there was sizable movement.
They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, "As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma." The husband was sceptical, but they assured him that they'd close the curtains for privacy.
The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses run back into the room. "What happened!?" they cried.


The husband said, "I'm not sure....maybe she choked?

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A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much. "The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver.

I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."



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Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

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old

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A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM . "

He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.



The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM . Wake up."



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http://www.chumfm.com/MorningShow/bits/march24.swf

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HAHA nad, a knew you'd make your own post and we KNOW your gonna have more then us,you post about 400hundred aday

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A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM . "

He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.



The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM . Wake up."

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:DWOMEN’S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = You’ll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You’re in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You’ll be dead meat
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = I’m close to exploding, you moron!
10. You’re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

MEN’S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = Yes
2. No = No
3. Maybe = Maybe
4. We need = We need
5. I am hungry = I am hungry
6. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
7. I am tired = I am tired
8. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
9. I love you = Let’s have sex now
10. I am bored = I’d like to have sex with you.
11. May I have this dance? = Do you want to have sex?
12. Can I call you sometime? = I’d like to have sex with you.
13. Do you want to go to a movie? = I’d like to have sex with you.
14. Can I take you out to dinner? = I’d like to have sex with you.
15. I am sorry = I am sorry to have married you
16. We need to talk = so you calm down, you hysterical nut.
17. Sure, go ahead = You’ll do anyway what you want
18. Do what you want = and I can watch sport.
19. I don’t think those shoes go with that outfit = I’m gay


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lmaoooooo nad - thats so true

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A woman went to dinner with her boyfriend at his parents house for the first time and was eager to make a good impression. The boyfriends mother however had cooked a rich mexican meal full of onions and beans. Shortly into the dinner the woman felt a fart coming on but try as she might she could not keep it in and she let out a small passing of wind.

Everyone at the table went silent but before she could say anything the boyfriends father looked at the family dog which was lying under the table and yelled, “Ginger.” The woman was greatly relieved and continued her meal. Soon she felt another fart coming on and with only a small hesitation let out a moderately loud passing of wind.

Once again the father looked at the dog and yelled, “Ginger goddamit!” The meal resumed and everything was going great until near the end of the evening when the woman felt another fart coming on.

Without a thought she let go a long, loud and smelly fart that had everyone in the room reaching for napkins to cover their noses. This time the father looked at the dog and yelled, “Ginger godammit, get away from the stinky bitch before she shits on you!”

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“Do you have a vagina?”
A housewife is at home when she suddenly hears a knock on the door.

When she opens the door a man asks her if she has a vagina. The woman slams the door in disbelief at what a stranger has just asked her.

The same thing happens for three consecutive days and the woman decides to tell her husband. The husband says to the wife, “Tomorrow I am not going to work, and when the man asks if you have a vagina, say ‘yes’ and I will be hiding behind the door.”

The next day the same man comes again, and when the woman opens the door he asks if she has a vagina.

The woman says, “Yes”. The man then said, “Good, then please tell your husband to stop f***ing my wife.”



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hahah lmaoooo she cant help but fart n poor dog if she did shit on it looooolll

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lmao quit it Nad u got me in stiches

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EMAIL: ladykay@midnightresistance.net