Nads funny pages and pages

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A boy says to his mum, "I've got the biggest cock in the nursery, is it because i'm black"?

"No", she replies, "it's because you're 25 and a Fucking retard"

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Johnny's mum had a baby who was born without ears. Johnny and dad went to see the baby and Johnny was warned not to mention ears or he'd be spanked.

Johnny looked in the cot and said 'what a lovely baby - lovely feet, hands and skin - how's his eyesight?'

'Perfect' mum said.

johnny replied 'that's good cos he'd be fucked if he needed glasses!'


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llololol nad u nuttah

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Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

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:DWOMEN’S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = You’ll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You’re in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You’ll be dead meat
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = I’m close to exploding, you moron!
10. You’re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

MEN’S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = Yes
2. No = No
3. Maybe = Maybe
4. We need = We need
5. I am hungry = I am hungry
6. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
7. I am tired = I am tired
8. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
9. I love you = Let’s have sex now
10. I am bored = I’d like to have sex with you.
11. May I have this dance? = Do you want to have sex?
12. Can I call you sometime? = I’d like to have sex with you.
13. Do you want to go to a movie? = I’d like to have sex with you.
14. Can I take you out to dinner? = I’d like to have sex with you.
15. I am sorry = I am sorry to have married you
16. We need to talk = so you calm down, you hysterical nut.
17. Sure, go ahead = You’ll do anyway what you want
18. Do what you want = and I can watch sport.
19. I don’t think those shoes go with that outfit = I’m gay

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Reports are coming in of Ireland's worst ever aircraft disaster. A Cessna 2 seater has crashed into Dublin's main cemetery.

Gardai have so far recovered 826 bodies but digging continues...



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thois is slightly sick

Every Monday this guy would call in sick at work. The boss liked the guy but couldn't tolerate it anymore. One Tuesday morning the boss called him into his office and said "Look Joe, every Monday you call in sick, makes me look bad and is there something I can help you with? Ya, got a drinking problem? Is it drugs?"

Joe replied "Ah, its my sister, She's married to this guy, gets drunk every week end and beats her up. So she calls me up crying and I go over to see her on Monday morning. She starts crying again, I try to console her, I put my arm around her and next thing you know I'm fucking her"

"You're fucking your sister?"



"Well, yea. When I phoned in I did tell you I was sick"

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ickyyyyyy

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Teun van Dijk: YOU ARE NO MATCH
Teun van Dijk: FOR THE DARK-DARK-DARKSIDE
Teun van Dijk: YOU ARE NO-NO MATCH
DJCJ is the best thing ever.period.

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Did you hear that Pakistan have given up cricket and have now taken up Bob slaying

What an achievement by Pakistan. The only team to go to the Cricket World Cup and come home with the ashes.



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LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

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(Oh you think im a stuck up bitch?,well join the club you slutty whore)

http://www.myspace.com/nortykay
MSN: ez-ladykay@hotmail.co.uk
EMAIL: ladykay@midnightresistance.net

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One day Jimmy, a big fuck-off builder left the job a bit early. "I'll nip home and surprise the wife for a bit of 'How's yer father' he thought to himself.
But when Jimmy got home he found his wife in bed with another fella. Purple with rage, he dragged the man down the stairs by the hair without saying a word. They ended up in the garage where Jimmy proceeded to secure the fella's dick in a vice before snapping the vice's handle off with his bare hands.
Utterly terrified, the man screamed, "Stop, stop! you're not going to cut it off, are you? God please, no. Please don't say you're going to cut it off!!"
"Nope," replied Jimmy, "You are. I'm going to set the fucking garage on fire."




On their first night together, the newlywed couple go to get changed. The new bride comes out of the bathroom first, all showered and wearing her beautiful ivory silk robe. Her husband proudly says, "Sweetheart, we're married now, you can open that robe."
The beautiful young woman slips the robe off her shoulders and it falls seductively to the floor. The hubby is astonished.
"Oh God," he exclaims, "You're so beautiful. I've got to take your picture."
Puzzled, she asks, "My picture? What do you want to take my picture for?"
He answers, "It's so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever."
She smiles and he takes her picture before heading off into the bathroom to shower.
He comes out ten minutes later wearing a new white flannel robe. The blushing bride asks, "Why are you wearing that, baby? We're married now."
At that the man opens his robe and she shouts, "Oh, oh, oh! Oh God - let ME take YOUR picture!"
With a huge grin, the husband asks, "Why's that, sexy?"
She answers, "So I can get it enlarged."

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(Oh you think im a stuck up bitch?,well join the club you slutty whore)

http://www.myspace.com/nortykay
MSN: ez-ladykay@hotmail.co.uk
EMAIL: ladykay@midnightresistance.net

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been a while but here's some more to LOL to.....

Three Canadian men had a very late night drinking

They left in the early morning hours and each went to their home. The next day, they all met for an early pint, and compared notes about who was drunker the night before.

The first guy claims that he was the drunkest, saying, "I drove straight home and walked into the house. As soon as I got through the door, I blew chunks."

The second guy said, "You think that was drunk? Hell, I got into my car and wrapped it around the first tree I saw. And I don't even have insurance!"

The third guy proclaimed, "Damn, I was the drunkest by far. When I got home, I got into a big fight with my wife, knocked a candle over, and burned the whole house down!"

The room was silent for a moment.

Then, the first guy spoke out again,




"Listen, guys, I don't think you understand...Chunks is my dog."

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Around 100 years ago, 20 white men chasing a black man was called the Ku Klux Klan.

Now its called Formula 1.



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been a while but here's some more to LOL to.....

Three Canadian men had a very late night drinking

They left in the early morning hours and each went to their home. The next day, they all met for an early pint, and compared notes about who was drunker the night before.

The first guy claims that he was the drunkest, saying, "I drove straight home and walked into the house. As soon as I got through the door, I blew chunks."

The second guy said, "You think that was drunk? Hell, I got into my car and wrapped it around the first tree I saw. And I don't even have insurance!"

The third guy proclaimed, "Damn, I was the drunkest by far. When I got home, I got into a big fight with my wife, knocked a candle over, and burned the whole house down!"

The room was silent for a moment.

Then, the first guy spoke out again,




"Listen, guys, I don't think you understand...Chunks is my dog."