JOKE TIME come post em up

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How do you fit 3 gays on a bar stool.... ???



turn it upside down

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After years at sea a pirate returns to his local for a pint or 2.
"Fucking hell mate! What happened to you?" asked the Barman "you never used to have that wooden leg!"
"Arg.." Said the pirate " I was off at sea, and in a fight some 1 choped my leg off!"
"Wow.. What about you hand, you never used to have a hook"
"AAArrrrGGGG...." Replied the pirate "after the fight where i lost my leg the captin wanted to go treasure hunting and in a freek accident my hand got crushed by an angry ape"
"Amasing" Remarked the bar man, "And what spectacular story lies behind your missing eye?"
At this the pirate went red and mumbled about bird shit
"But how did bird shit cause you to lose your eye?"
"Arg.. I wasn't used to the hook"

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Yeah What he said

Tues 5-7 DnB and Old Skool

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not bad

whats blue and orange and lies at the bottom of a swimming pool??

a kid with its arm bands deflated

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why did the monkey get lost........??????












Cos the jungle is massive............

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MONDAYS 7-8pm gmt UKBASS

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two men sat in a pub and 1 says to the other "i made a huge mistake today. i went to the train station to buy my train tickets to tottenham but the women behind the counter had such big breasts i said can i have 2 tockets to tittenham instead." the other man said " thats nothin, i was at home havin sunday roast with the wife and i meant to say can u pass the salt please but what i actually said was U'VE RUINED MY LIFE BITCH!!!"

Cerberus

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Live on UKBASS every Tuesday 4-6pm(gmt)

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PS3 USER PROFILE: DigitallyCorrupt

XBOX 360 GAMERTAG: DnB Cerberus

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not bad

whats blue and orange and lies at the bottom of a swimming pool??

a kid with its arm bands deflated

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not bad

whats blue and orange and lies at the bottom of a swimming pool??

a kid with its arm bands deflated

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tsunami jokes, may offend be warned.

How do you spot a Sri Lankan prostitute?

Shes the one in the fish nets.

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*NEWS FLASH*

"Massive tsunami in ASIA thousands dead, France are sending food, germany are sending supplies"
"England.. well england are sending replacments..!"

____________________

*NEWS FLASH*
"Do not send money to asia they plea poverty but i seen some fucking wanker with 2 boats on his drive!"

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| Nothing better than JAM in a JAR |

`jj

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THE PARROT

A woman goes into a pet shop looking for a parrot.

The assistant shows her a beautiful African Grey parrot.

"What about this one, Madam? A beautiful bird, and it's an absolute
steal at only $20."

"Why is it that cheap?" the woman asks.

Well", replies the assistant, "it used to live in a brothel and as a
result its language is a touch fruity".

"Oh, I don't mind that", said the woman, making her mind up, "I'm broad
minded and it'll be a laugh having a profane parrot". So saying, she
buys the parrot and takes him home.

Once safely in his new home, the parrot looks around and squawks at the
woman. "F==k me, a new brothel and a new madam" "I'm not a madam and
this isn't a brothel" scolds the woman trying not to laugh.

A little later the woman's two teenage daughters arrive home.
"Un-f==king-believable. A new brothel, a new madam, and now two new
pr&stitutes" says the parrot when he sees the daughters.

"Mum, tell your parrot to shut-up, we're not pr&stitutes" complains the
girls, but they all see the funny side and have a laugh at their new
pet.

A short while later, the woman's husband Dave comes home.
"In-f==cking-credible, a new brothel, a new madam, new pr&stitutes, but
the same old clients..... How ya doin', Dave?"




_________________
Live on UKBASS every Tuesday 4-6pm(gmt)

http://www.myspace.com/digitallycorrupt

PS3 USER PROFILE: DigitallyCorrupt

XBOX 360 GAMERTAG: DnB Cerberus

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a womans been having trouble pulling so decides to go along to a singles night. she meets one fella an decides its bin so long since her last lay that shes takin him home. on the way back to her place she says to the man " i have to warn you im into really kinky sex," the man replies "dont worry im the king of kinkyness.
they get inside the womans door groping and grabbing each other the woman says " im jus goin 2 change ill be back in 5" as the woman strolls down the stairs the man jumps up an gasps realizing shes head 2 toe in leather, dog collar in one hand an wipp in the other. the woman says "wots the matter i thought you were the king of kinkyness. the man looks at her grins an says "yeah iam i just shagged your cat an shat on your telly".

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a day without a smile is a day without purpose

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whats the deffinition of pain
= falling out a plane an landing on a bike with no seat ouch

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a day without a smile is a day without purpose

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what do you call a one legged prostitute? ilean

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a day without a smile is a day without purpose

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a bloke bowls into a pub an orders 10 pints of stella. the barman says 'are u alright' the bloke ses 'no i jus had my first blowjob; the barman replies 'heres a pint on the house' the bloke stares at the barman for a minute then replies 'if 10 pints wont get rid of the taste the 11th wont '

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a day without a smile is a day without purpose

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a nucleur bomb goes off wiping out humanity (shame lol) . anyway after a while 2 survivors meet up an decide to go there seperate ways an meet up 40 nights later.they both meet up excited hugging an pattin each other.the first man ses what did you find 'nothing much glowing food but no life whatsoever how bout you. well i found a well nice bird. yeah yeah ses the other man what happened , well i shagged her silly up both holes, wicked m8 sweet thats well good news what was she like at suckin dick. the other man replies i dunno she didnt have a head

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a day without a smile is a day without purpose

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apparently they are not hanging christmas decorations in vietnam anymore......their hanging glitter...

groan



hehe

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MONDAYS 7-8pm gmt UKBASS