JOKE TIME come post em up

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whats pink and taps on the window?????
a baby in a microwave

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I'm no Gynaecologist but i'll have look



DARE TO BE POLITICALLY INCORRECT

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whats the similarities between a pork pie and an OAP????


you hav to pick off the crust and lick out the jelly just to get to the meat.

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A man and his wife go to a nudest beach for the day when they get there they strip and lay down to catch some sun all of a sudden the man's wife says she felt something go up her pussy so her husbands says" dont worry love let me have a look" i cant see any thing" he says "but i can hear a buzzing noise i think it mite be a bee " so they rush to the doctors to get it out.

they get to doctors and the doctor says "sit down dear wats up" i think i have a bee up my pussy sir" she replies "oh ok let me have a little look he says yes yes i can see him he says this is quiet simple ill have it out in a sec' but first you will have to wait out side sir " the doctor says to the husband " ok sir replies the husband so the husband goes out side and takes a seat TEN MINUTES LATER he thinks to him self fucking hell hes taking his time so he decides to go back in. to find the doctors fucking the shit out his wife he shout's "WHAT ARE YOU DOING" the doctor replies i couldnt get im gonna drown the cunt instead!

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your so FAT wen you go into a hotel and ask for a water bed they pull a sheet over the ocean

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A man runs into a bar and says to the bar man 10 pints of stella please the bar man replies wats up wit u the man replies i just had my first blowjob . oh really the barman says here a print on the house the man turns ronud and says if 10 prints wont getn rid of the taste i doubt 11 will

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drum n bass a way of life

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There were three daughters and they all wanted to get married but they couldn't afford it and neither could there parents. So the parents said "We will give you all a joint wedding and then you will all be able to get married".

So they got married and all three daughters then said "I want a honeymoon but we cant afford it". The parents couldn't afford it either so they deiced they would have the honeymoon at their parents house.

So on there honeymoon night their mother woke up and deiced to go downstairs and get a drink. On the way down she heard the first daughter screaming but she juts ignored it. When she reached the second daughters bedroom she could hear laughing and just ignored it. When she reached the third daughters room she could hear nothing and deiced 2 ignore it.

The next morning at the breakfast table she said to the first daughter "Why were you screaming?". And the daughter replied "Well mother you told me 2 scream when something hurt."

Then the mother said to the second daughter "Why were you laughing last night?" and the daughter replied "Mother you told me to laugh when something tickled".

Then the mother said to the last daughter "Why didn't I hear anything coming from your room last night?" and the daughter replied "Well mother you told me never to talk with my mouth full".

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Yo mama's so clumsy she got tangled up in a cordless phone!

Yo mama's arms are so short, she has to tilt her head to scratch her ear!

Yo mama's mouth so big, she speaks in surround sound!

Yo mama's teeth are so yellow she spits butter!

Yo mama's so skinny she turned sideways and disappeared!

Yo mama's so short she does backflips under the bed!

Yo mama's so short you can see her feet on her drivers licence!

Yo mama's so poor she can't afford to pay attention!

Yo mama's so bald that she took a shower and got brain-washed!

Yo mama's so greasy companies buy their Oil from her!

Yo mama's so flat she's jealous of the wall!

Yo mama's so poor she goes to Kentucky Fried Chicken to lick other people's fingers!

Yo mama's so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning!

Yo mama's so lazy she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs!

Yo mama's so bald you can see whats on her mind!

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two nurses are giving a woman in a coma sponge bath. they notice that when they get close to her private areas that she gets a little stimulated. they theorize that oral sex will bring her out of her coma. they go out into the lobby and tell her husband their theory. the husband is a little aprehensive about it at first, but he agress. the nurses leave him with his wife fior some privacy. they come back about ten minutes later and the woman is dead! "what happened?" asks one of the nurses... the man replies... i dont know i think she choked

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not bad

whats blue and orange and lies at the bottom of a swimming pool??

a kid with its arm bands deflated

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killerdub wrote:

not bad

whats blue and orange and lies at the bottom of a swimming pool??

a kid with its arm bands deflated

not bad

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Nad wrote:

killerdub wrote:

not bad

whats blue and orange and lies at the bottom of a swimming pool??

a kid with its arm bands deflated

not bad

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake


i need a favour....
i'm in the police station... they've charged me with being the ugliest cunt in britain...can you come down and show them they've made a mistake.

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A sexy young maiden named Jill

There once was a man named Dave,
who kept a dead whore in a cave,
she had only one tit,
and smelled worse than shit,
but think of the money he saved.

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A lady walks into 'Myers' to buy a fishing rod and reel for her grandson's birthday.

She doesn't know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over
to the counter.

The Myers salesman is standing there, wearing dark shades.

She says, "Excuse me. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says, "Madam, I'm completely blind; but, if you'll drop it on the

counter, I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the
sound it makes."

She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.

He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404
reel and 10-lb.Test line. It's a good all around combination, and it's
on sale this week for $44."

She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound
of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!"

As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.

"Oh, that sounds like a Visa card,"he says.

As the lady bends down to pick up the card, she accidentally farts.

At first she is really embarrassed but then realizes there is no way
the blind salesman could tell it was she who had farted.

The man rings up the sale and says,

"That'll be $58.50 please."

The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me It
was on sale for $44. How did you get to $58.50?"

"The Duck Caller is $11 and the Fish Bait is $3.50."

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Phuture Killa wrote:

A sexy young maiden named Jill

There once was a man named Dave,
who kept a dead whore in a cave,
she had only one tit,
and smelled worse than shit,
but think of the money he saved.

There once was a man, who was filthy rich.
He has had every pleasure in the world and his life began to lose sence.
There was only one desire thet kept him alive.
When he was a boy he had a dream that he slept with a woman who had three tits.
He decided to dedicate his life to fullfiling this dream.
He searched all over the world and came finally to the gratest pimp in the world, and he told him
"I've searched all over the world for a woman with three tits and if you don't find me one I'll kill all
of your whores and later I'll kill you."
So the pimp found him a three tit woman, and our man went to his bedroom to screw her.
For a whole night he sucked her third tit and after a whole night of sex he wakes up in the morning and notices that the girl has only two tits.
He asks her "where is your third tit?"
And she says "Ohh, thanks for sucking up my zit"

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