JOKE TIME come post em up

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A sexy young maiden named Jill
Tried a dynamite stick for a thrill
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
And bits of her tits in Brazil

There once was a man named Dave,
who kept a dead whore in a cave,
she had only one tit,
and smelled worse than shit,
but think of the money he saved.

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apparently they are not hanging christmas decorations in vietnam anymore......their hanging glitter...

groan



hehe

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Whats got two legs and bleeds alot???????????????????








half a cat



how do u make a cat go "woof"?????????????????????





cover it in petrol and set it alight......... (soz all cat lovers)

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lol,
Wots brown and sticky??

A stick.

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apparently they are not hanging christmas decorations in vietnam anymore......their hanging glitter...

groan



hehe

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Just a simple one....

Whats the difference between in-laws and out-laws?????















Out-laws are wanted.

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peaires the famous french fighter pilot was in a bar and pulls a fit blonde. he takes her back to his hotel and they start to get jiggy.

once he has her stripped off he starts to kiss her neck and works his way to her breasts. once he reaches her breasts he stops kissing her and pulls out a bottle of white wine and pours it over them.

the blonde screems at peaires "what are you doing"

peaires replys "i am peaires the famous french fighter pilot and when i eat the finest white meat it must be accompanied by the best white wine"

the blonde unsure of what is going on decides to just let him carry on.

peaires returns to kissing the blondes breasts and after finishing the the last drop from her chest he continues to work his way down her body. as he goes down he reaches he flat stomach and pauses for a second and then pulls out a bottle of vintage red wine. he then proceeds to pour the wine all over the blondes stomach.

the blonde screems again at peaires "what's going on what are you doing"

peaires replys "i am peaires the famous french fighter pilot and when i eat the finest red meat it must be accompanied by the best vintage red wine."

the blonde starts to enjoy the treatment and flattery from peaires and relaxes to let him carry on.

once peaires has sipped every last drop of the wine from the blondes stomach, he continues to kiss her slowly working his way down her body. he keeps kissing her until he reaches the tops of her thighs. the blonde lets out a gasp as she waits for peaires to give her oral pleasure.

peaires stops kissing the top of her thighs and and this time pulls out a bottle of the finest cognac, he opens the bottle and proceeds to pour it all over her intermate parts. the blonde opens her legs ready for peaires to kiss her again. peaires pulls out a Match and lights it, then drops it onto the blondes thights. Woooof. the blonde jumps jumps up with her bush a blaze.

and says "peaires! peaires! peaires what are you doing"

peaires replys......... "i am peaires the famous french fighter pilot and when i do go down, i go down in flames "


Rabbz

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Q) Why are women so much like tornados....


A) They're both wet and wild when they come, but when they leave they take your house and car with them

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A wealthy hospital benefactor was being shown around the hospital when
during her tour, she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furiously.

"Oh my GOD!!" screamed the woman, "That's disgraceful!!! Why is he doing that?"

The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained, "I'm very sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if he doesn't do that at least 5 times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his test*cles could easily rupture".

"Oh well, in that case, I guess it's ok." commented the woman.

In the very next room, a male patient was lying in bed and it was obvious that a nurse was performing oral sex on him. Again, the woman screamed, "Oh my GOD!! How can THAT be justified?"


Again the doctor spoke very calmly, "Same illness but he's with Bupa"

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Fred and Mary got married but can't afford a honeymoon, so they
go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's for their first night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has
his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he
asks his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies, "No".

Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go
to school."

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and
Mary up yet?"

She replies, "No."

Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and
go back to school."

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and
Mary up yet?"

His mom says, "No."

He asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Ok, now tell me what you think?"

He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and
think I gave him my airplane glue"

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tech

http://www.ukbassradio.co.uk/wimin-tch-t2318.html

_________________

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A rich white man threw a party and invited all of his buddies
and neighbors, including Leroy, the only black guy in the neighborhood.

He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.
Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating BBQ and
flirting with the women.

At the height of the party, the host said,

"I came home from a business trip and I found a 10 foot alligator got in my pool and I can't find anybody who will come and take him away. I'd give a million dollars to anyone who would do the job!"

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone
turned around and saw Leroy in the pool!

Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its ass! He was jabbing it in the eyes with his thumbs,
throwing punches, head butts and chokeholds, biting the gator on the
tail and flipping it through the air like some kind of Kung-Fu master. The water was churning and splashing in the struggle. Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to the surface.

He slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was staring in disbelief.

Finally the host says, "Leroy, I reckon I owe you a million dollars."

"I don't want it," said Leroy, panting.

The rich man said, "Leroy, I have to give you something! You won the bet."

Leroy said, "I would be satisfied if you gave me the name of whichever one of these white
motherfuckers it was that pushed me in the pool."

(no offence meant by this post)

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whats 2 fott tall and cant turn round in corridors???
a baby with a javelin through its head

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whats pink n wrinkly and hangs out your trousers????
your gran doing your laundry